Not Done Hurting
by half-human
Summary: Addison tries to recover from her ordeal while Derek tries to be there for her. Guest starring: characters from Law & Order: SVU. ADDEK
1. Shattered

Title: Not Done Hurting

Author: Half Human

Summary: Addison feels thoroughly content with Derek's behavior but suddenly everything changes…ADDEK : )

Disclaimer: Grey's Anatomy and all its wonderful characters belong to the genius Shonda Rhimes and everyone who's helped put this drama together.

Author's Note: Hey, I haven't written in years! Literally. Please be nice. Oh, and yes, I am an Addek Addict: )This chapter may seem depressing but it will become good. I'm just a big angst fan ; )

-8-8-

…Following the last scene of "Blues For Sister Someone"…

-8-8-

Derek had just lifted Addison up and thrown her on the dingy old bed, continuing on with his kisses and caresses for a good five minutes, until he simply wrapped his arms around his wife and sighed. Addison felt his body relax against hers. They were both still a little damp from the shower. Addison remained awake, face up, and stared at the ceiling. "Such a wonderful way to end the day," she thought, and sighed, remembering all the events that had happened back at Seattle Grace.

How that poor woman had begged for her help.

How she had to bend the rules because she was reminded of her duties to patients.

How her pain-in-the-ass intern pushed all the wrong buttons.

How she felt like it was just one of those days…

But that changed, and it changed because of Derek. It changed because she finally saw that he did love her, care about her, and think of her as attractive. She smiled to herself like a giddy child, a toothy grin stretching across her face. She hadn't felt so…alleviated in such a long time. It was as if a boulder was lifted off her soldiers.

She quickly moved herself closer to her sleeping husband, wishing to feel his warmth and relish the sense of relief and security that washed over her. She was still smiling, thinking about Derek's kindness when her movement suddenly caused Derek to shift more of his body over her. She was satisfied and about to close her eyes until she heard Derek whisper, softly "Meredith..."

Addison froze.

She couldn't believe what she just heard. Her body tensed and she felt as if something had literally struck her. There she was, lying next to the man she thought truly loved her, thinking that everything was going to be ok between them, when in reality her dear husband was somewhere else. He was dreaming of someone else while at the same time holding her. She suddenly felt used and disgusted as if she were nothing more than a much-needed morning juju. She began to pant and tears welled in her eyes. All of the troubles of the day seemed to fade away as she realized that what Derek had just done was worse than any of them. She slowly shifted her body out from underneath the man she loved. His skin against hers was suddenly cold.

'I guess I'm _not_ the woman of his dreams,' she thought solemnly, fighting back tears.

-8-8-

As she quickly dressed and packed away what little she had in Derek's trailer, Addison took out her laptop and began a word document. It was well passed four A.M. and a chill ran down Addison's back as she tentatively began to type.

_Dear Dr. Webber,_

_I regret to inform you that upon completion of my next two assignments I intend to transfer back to Mt. Sinai in New York City. I have already thought about possible replacements and I..._

-8-8-

As she continued with her letter she tried to quell all thoughts of a break down. She was Dr. Addison Forbes Montgomery Shep- …, she shuddered at her last name, but knew she had to stay strong. She couldn't break down, she just couldn't.

When she finished the letter she finished her packing and made sure her jeans and cardigan sweater were warm enough for her to head out with. She lifted her bags and grabbed the small piece of paper with the hotel address she found online. As she walked to the exit of the cramped trailer she looked back towards Derek. 'He's not done hurting me…' she thought, a single tear slipping down her cheek.

-8----------------T-B-C--------------------------------------8-

Kk, what do you think? I know this plot has been done before but I thought this was the perfect opportunity for it. Anywayz, please R/R and I PROMISE it gets better, really! Addek all the way! Lol. Oh, and I don't know what hospital Addison worked in back in NY, so I chose one I knew.


	2. Worth It?

Title: Not Done Hurting

Author: Half-Human

Summary: Addison feels content with Derek's behavior but then everything changes. How will Derek react?

Disclaimer: Grey's Anatomy and all its wonderful characters belong to the genius Shonda Rhimes and everyone who's helped put this drama together.

Author's Note: Thanks sooo much for all the reviews! They have really amped me up for writing, which I recently have little time for. I'm graduating in like a month and I have a major case of senioritous (being a major GA fan/Addek-Addict and being lazy are some of the symptoms). This chapter prolongs the tension b/n the infamous couple, so …on with the drama!

-8-8-

Derek woke early the next morning, groggy but immediately aware that his wife was not beside him. He grumbled, ran his hand through his hair and decided to change quickly; he had to be in the OR early that morning. 'She must've been called in,' he thought absentmindedly, heading toward his tiny shower. After showering quickly and stuffing himself with some fruit Addison bought a couple days ago, Derek headed out the door and off to work.

-8-8-

"Dr. Sheperd, you're on time. Great," Bailey said, rolling her eyes and quickly brushingby Derek. Her energy and sense of authority encouraged Derek to wake up. He quickly made his way to his locker room, yawning and thinking about how he _really_ needed a juju. He looked at his watch; he only had twenty minutes before O'Malley prepped his patient. 'Damn…' he thought, thinking whether he should go and get one or not. "Ah, what the hell," he whispered, heading out of the locker room. He didn't want to operate on someone, half asleep, and so he began a brisk jog to the elevator.

"Slow down Shepherd," warned a familiar voice. 'Caught,' Derek thought bitterly, as he turned around and saw the chief of surgery walk up to him. He knew he was going to get it; he could already hear Dr. Webber's words. He was going to tell him that they were in a hospital, that he shouldn't be running, that according to the board he was due in surgery in less than 20…no 15 minutes. Derek grimaced as the chief stopped before him.

"So, what's going on?"Dr. Webberasked. Derek studied the older man's face. Instead of irritation, he saw an expression of curiosity and concern. 'Strange…,' Derek thought, 'reverse psychology?'

"Well, Dr. Webber I was just so tired and I really wanted to grab a morning cup of-"

"No, about your transfer. I was completely devastated when I received Addison's letter. I finally thought I had the famous Shepherd pair under my belt at Seattle Grace…and then you decide to depart so-"

"What? Excuse me?" Derek was completely lost. What was Dr. Webber talking about? The last he knew, he was a permanent surgeon at Seattle Grace. "What are you talking about?" Derek finally asked, shaking his head slightly, hoping his drowsiness wasn't really affecting him. Dr. Webber looked at him, confusion etched on his face.

"The letter. This morning I received one from…Addison." The chief stared at Derek when the realization dawned on him that Derek knew of no such letter. Derek just looked dumbfounded, but Dr. Webber had no choice but to continue the conversation. "Addison wrote me a letter. She's heading back to New York." That was all Richard could manage to say, he didn't want to get too involved. He turned around, walked a few steps, but guilt wouldn't let him leave the scene. He returned to the still-stunned surgeon and put a hand on his shoulder. "Go talk to her," he offered.

-8-8-

Addison sighed as she looked at her report. '42 year-old mother of two expecting twins, gestational diabetes, high blood pressure, already a mother of two…' she thought solemnly as she contemplated the various complications that faced her latest patient. She stared at the report and weighed out her options. It was already well into the afternoon and she had gone the whole day without running into Derek. 'Figures,' she thought, 'he's probably daydreaming of his little intern.' Addison had skipped her lunch, deciding earlier that day that she would devote herself wholly to her two remaining prenatal cases. She hoped to get out of Seattle as soon as possible.

Her drive to the hospital that morning proved to be quite therapeutic. While reviewing her patient's stats, her mind drifted back to that morning. As she stared at the road before her that morning, realizing that she shouldn't be hurt or ashamed. 'It isn't my fault that he can't communicate with me. I messed up but I did it because he was never there. _Never_ …I've lowered myself much too much for this man, and I can't let this continue. I am Addison Forbes Montgomery, a talented successful wom-'

"Dr. Shepherd," Addison was pulled from her reverie. "The tests you ordered are back. Need anything else, because I was thinking…?"

"No. Its fine," she spat. It was difficult to remain calm when her intern Karev was a constant annoyance. All she knew was that she wanted to put her all into her last two cases. She wanted as little contact with Derek as possible, and be on her way to New York once she settled things with Richard, his wife, and Izzy. Out of all the interns, Addison saw Izzy as someone who could easily become as skilled as her. She wanted to keep in touch with her. 'New York City would do Izzy good...' she thought before she walked over to her patient. Having examined the tests results, she had come up with a proposal for her 42 year-old mother of two.

-8-8-

Derek was utterly confused. Hadn't he given her what she wanted yesterday? 'Goodness, that woman!' he thought furiously. Throughout the day he had critically focused on his patients, only because he was fueled by so much anger. 'How the hell could she just up and leave, especially after last night?' He had been meaning to speak with her but his schedule left no time for it.

"Dr. Shepherd?" interrupted one of his interns.

"What?" he grumbled, as he continued to examine a chart.

"Jones just had another relapse. Dr. Webber said put the surgery on hold. Jones won't be ready for the OR today." Derek stared at the intern. She was one of the quiet ones whose name he always forgot. He sighed, handed the chart he was holding to the young woman, and walked away.

He had a particular person to talk to.

"Thanks," he said to the intern, over his shoulder.

-8-8-

He found her speaking with a patient, holding the other woman's hand and looking intently into her eyes. 'She always had the bedside manner down pat,' Derek thought to himself. He kept staring at Addison, anger and confusion surging within him, along with a touch of admiration at the sight of Addison consoling her patient. He was thoroughly confused--frustrated.

He continued to stare at her until she finally turned her head and just looked at him for a second. He expected her to get up but she simply frowned and turned back to her patient.

He was pissed. He clenched his fists and cursed under his breadth. He waited a couple of minutes, but when he saw that she just kept talking with the woman, he decided to interject. "Excuse me, Dr. Shepherd, I would like to see-"

"Not now, I'm with a patient," she offered, brushing him off. Derek didn't back off.

"Dr. Shepherd," he began once again, "I need to consult with you on the ... details of a difficult situation. Now." He looked at her, his facial expression screaming : "get the hell up, I am not playing." Addison looked at him, raised an eyebrow and began to rise. She parted with her patient and followed Derek out of the small room.

-8-8-

Once Derek entered a vacant patient's room and let Addison in, he slammed the door and took a deep breathe.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" he hissed through clenched teeth. "One day I leave you because you're _cheating_ on me, then you come back and beg for forgiveness, and I forgive you!" Derek was yelling now. "We seemed to be working things out Addison, we really did...and then, I don't know! What exactly happened? All of a sudden, after a great night I find out that you, my wife, are leaving to New York...and find out from my boss! What is going through your head! Have you really gone nuts?" Derek was red from frustration, he put his hands on his head and pushed his hair back out of his face.

Addison remained silent.

"Say something," Derek demanded after a few seconds of silence. "Addison, you want to talk all the time and now that I-"

"Do you love me?" Addison interrupted. The question caught Derek off guard. He shook his head and and responded,

"I chose you Addison, and I chose you for a reason."

"You didn't answer my question," Addison persisted.

"Add-"

"I love you Derek, I truly, honestly do." Addison wanted him to profess his love for her, but she wasn't sure of his answer and she was honestly frightened to hear it. "I wanted you to care about me," she continued, "to care about us. I know I made stupid mistakes, but it was all for you. I flew over to this hellhole, joining your woodcutter-Ranger-Joe-hick-wanna-be life-style just to get your attention, just to do right. I hurt you,and you hurt me tenfold…is that fair?"

"Addison, what the hell are you talking about? All I know is that you've suddenly, out of the blue, hand in some letter. Apparently your leaving, and apparently I did something wrong. How could you plan on leaving without telling me?"

"I don't know, you tell me. Last time I checked, you were the expert in that area."

That did indeed sting, but Derek, having argued with Addison many times before, brushed it off.

"And you the expert in cheating," he offered coolly.

"Derek, you are unbelievable. Really," she shook her head furiously not believing what was happening, wishing it all to just end. "Well apparently I am the expert," she cried, throwing her hands up in surrender, "because never once did I whisper Mark's name when we slept together…goodness I never even thought of him. Only us. You…you could at least refrain from saying _her_ name when we are together…talk about amateur," she cried, sarcastically, trying to control her composure and blinking away pending tears. She felt her cheeks flush.

"What?" Derek was shocked. He hadn't realized what she was talking about, but at that moment, it hit him, like a charged defibrillator to the chest: he had whispered Meredith's name while he wassleeping withAddison. As he replayed the events of last night, he slowly digested what Addison told him.

"That's the least you could do Derek," she continued, lowering her head.

"Wait, Addison, I don't see-"

"You know very well about your little escapades last night Derek!" Derek was going to ask whether they could just discuss the issue, but Addison simply continued. He didn't bother interrupting her, he knew he was in deep. Addison let out a loud sigh, "while I was with you, you were with someone else…I should have known. She began to pace the room; back and forth in front of Derek, head faced down, hands on her waist. "You never stop to think about _me._ You hurt me, Derek, in more ways than I can possibly tell you. Haven't you ever thought about that?" Her hair had fallen in front of her face, and Derek swore he saw a tear slip down her cheek, but shook the thought out of his mind.

'Addison rarely_ ever_ cries,' he thought.

"Addison ... we can work this out," he said, feeling a surge of guilt flood within him, along with tendrils of anger. 'She should have told me, she should have told me...' he thought.

"Save it Derek, its over. I should have opened my eyes sooner." She was beginning to lose her grip, and quickly walked to the door. Suddenly, Derek grabbed her wrist and pulled her toward him.

"Addison, we should talk about this some mo-"

"Get off."

"Addi-" Derek was really ticked now. He actually had a chance to do right.

"Get _off_ Derek, I don't want a lawsuit to deal with, and I am _not_ joking." Derek was shocked with Addison's response and couldn't help but notice that her warm wrist trembled slightly in his grasp. He slowly let go and tried to look into her eyes. She quickly averted his gaze, not wanting him to see her red teary eyes.

"Fine, leave! Just know that I actually tried. I did." He shook his head furiously, "If I knew you'd pull something like this Addison, I whould have never left Meredith! So if you are going to leave, just go! " Derek yelled, feelings of anger, confusion, guilt, and longing raging within him. He didn't want to fight, and as he saw the Addison he knew red, trembling, and clearly distraught, all he wanted to do was wrap his arms around her and get the old Addie back. It did hurt, but he had to voice his feelings; anger wouldn't let him remain silent. He watched Addison walk to the exit, and wondered whether his words were too harsh.

"I hope last night was worth it," Addison spat, slamming the door behind her.

Derek was left in the vacant room, head hung, wondering if he was ready for the upcoming chapter in his life: Life Without Addison--The Second Time Around.

-8-8-

kk, so what did you think? Plz R/R. I was going to jump ahead to the juicy part, but ppl wanted to see reactions of ppl at the hospital. I ended up just adding the conversation b/n Addison and Derek. I KNOW THIS IS PAINFUL TO READ, believe me, i understand. THIS IS AN ADDEK fic :) its angsty. there will be more drama fo' you momma in the coming chaps. :) Please feel free to comment and all. Thanks so much for the previous reviews! And sorry again for the late post.

--

-8-8-ADDEK-ADDICT -8-8-

ADDEK ALL THE WAY!  
--


	3. Denial

Title: Not Done Hurting

Author: Half-Human

Summary: Life after the big argument. (ADDEK)

Disclaimer: Grey's Anatomy and all its wonderful characters belong to the genius Shonda Rhimes and everyone who's helped put this drama together.

Author's Note: Thank you for the reviews! Sorry for the late post, I've been trying to work on some other fics. I was also totally devastated by the season-2 finale—it's going to be hard to think of Derek as anything but a jerk. --

-8-8-

It wasn't bad at first; wasn't bad at all. Addison had flown off to New York and Derek was free. "And Satan _has _departed," Derek murmured to himself a week after his argument with Addison. He had managed, with some difficulty at first, to completely avoid her after the argument. There were times, he admitted, when he had the urge to go to her and beg forgiveness, but he was disgusted by the thought, and brushed it off. He knew she was gone because wherever he went interns and attendings stared at him as if he had some sort of unidentified rash on his face. Whenever he turned a corner he caught a snip of a hushed conversation. "Montgomery Shepherd left…I heard she was pissed…she was able to get around the contract…must have been serious…maybe she was offered a great position…one of them must've done something…." At first the growing rumors ticked Derek off, why were people so interested in knowing the details of Addison's departure? However, by the end of the day Derek had come to appreciate the rumors because they served to further remind him that Addison was gone and he was free. It wasn't like he was completely ecstatic about her leaving, but why mope around if he had gotten what he wanted. It was what he wanted, wasn't it?

Derek, quashing all feelings of insecurities, checked the board and his charts. His next case seemed rather routine: Thomas Hash, 38, brain tumor around the hypothalamus, considering surgery. Derek quickly contemplated which tests to run on his patient as his eyes skimmed his sheet and he noticed which intern was assigned to him: Dr. Grey, Meredith.

Derek suddenly felt a small surge of hope rise within him. He couldn't help but think back to his last encounter with Meredith as he recalled the pangs of jealousy he felt when he found her half-dressed at his vet's house. The memory quickly led him to the events of Addison and his argument. This prompted feelings of guilt, but Derek quickly shook them off. 'No. She's gone,' he thought furiously, forcing himself to stop thinking about the redhead who had been part of his life for more than a decade. "Gone," he finally whispered, hoping that voicing his thoughts would help control his feelings and settle his nerves.

"Dr. Shepherd," a soft voice pulled Derek back to reality. It was Meredith. "I'm suppose to work with you today." Derek stared at Meredith, noticing that she had more color to her and that she looked better kept than usual. He liked it. He gave her his classic smile and felt himself go into McDreamy Mode.

"Yes you are," he replied, walking with her to the elevator. He suddenly felt good and relieved. Thoughts of Addison quickly left his mind. 'Now is my chance,' he thought to himself.

-8-8-

As Derek stepped into the elevator, he held the door for Meredith. Once she walked in he pressed "5" and watched the doors close. A second later, he quickly pushed the emergency stop button.

"Derek?" Meredith questioned curiously. He was standing to her right, facing the doors as she was.

"I've missed you." Derek suddenly whispered. He repeated the same words that she once told him, right there, in that elevator. Meredith sighed, put one hand on her waist, and the other on her forehead.

"Derek-" Meredith stopped as Derek turned and stepped closer to her, his body mere inches away from hers. She quickly placed her hand firmly on his chest and pushed him back. "No," she whispered, slightly flustered.

"No?" Derek asked, his face was wrought with confusion.

"No Derek. I can't. You had your chance and it didn't work out. You chose her and you stuck to your choice. I can't keep-"

"I've changed my mind. I choose you. I chose you Meredith. Listen to me, Addison-"

"Look. I did fall for you Derek, I _really_ did. But …I'm over you." She looked sympathetically at Derek, hoping that she could make him understand. She saw pain in his eyes and had to look away. "I know that Addison, left. I'm sorry."

There was silence.

"Don't be sorry. She's gone, that's a good thing," Derek added, his eyes pleading, hoping that Meredith would listen.

"But think of it" Meredith spoke, "you know, I know, that you still care about Addison…and even if I wasn't totally in love with Fin" her eyes shown with happiness as she mentioned Fin's name, "I still wouldn't go back with you Derek because…because I don't want to be your rebound girl and I know that that is what you want right now. Don't deny yourself Derek, you still care for her-"

"No. Your wrong, I care about you Meredith, we can make things work," Derek was almost pleading now, thoughts, fears, running through his mind. What was Meredith talking about? Why didn't he anticipate this? He began to shake his head, and whisper, "you're wrong Meredith. Can't you see that I want to be with you? Addison isn't in the picture anymore." Meredith looked at him and couldn't help to feel for him. He was miserable.

"Think about it Derek," she repeated softly. "Seriously. Right now you are confused. I do care about you, but as a friend. I …I love Fin. We work. You…you need to work things out. I'm sorry." Meredith felt torn. Ever since meeting Fin she felt safe and wanted and unafraid to tell people about her relationship. She wasn't the other woman and she was happy. Then again, when she looked at Derek she felt a sense of longing, a kind of dark desire.

-But it was at the moment, that very moment as she stared at the dejected man before her, that she discovered the nature of her relationship with Derek: it was all based on the sensation of danger, fantasy, and desire. He was an attending for goodness sake; their relationship from the start always had an edge to it. It thrived on danger. As she looked at the man before her, lost in thought, she realized that she truly couldn't see herself living her life with Derek. He wasn't safe. He was a dangerous fantasy- always meant to be that one-night stand.

-8-8-

And Derek belonged to another woman. She sighed as she saw that he kept denying himself the truth.

She quickly pushed the emergency button again and waited for the elevator to resume its movement. As it reached its destination and the doors opened, Meredith turned to Derek.

"Dr. Shepherd?" she asked, shaking him from his thoughts, "coming?" It took a few seconds for Derek to respond.

"Yes…Dr. Grey."

Derek had repeated the same words Meredith once told him, right there, in that elevator, and she had responded the same way he had.

-8-8-

The rest of the day Derek and Meredith were strictly professional. Meredith made sure of it. She always addressed Derek by his title and on breaks she went to hang out with her regular crew. Of course she had to deal with Alex and Izzie, who aside from their personal issues, where arguing about Addison Shepherd.

"How can you be such a jerk Alex? Dr. Montgomery Shepherd was an excellent doctor! She…she had faith in me."

"Whatever, she is gone. I am happy. The Vagina Queen is finally gone…the witch finally flew home."

Meredith narrowed her eyes as she looked at Alex and shook her head. "That's not nice." Alex, George, and even Izzie stared at her as if she had spoken in another language. "What? It wasn't," she said defending herself.

-8-8-

Please R/R! More to come! I know this chapter was somewhat bland, but there's more. I already have the next chapter in the making, its almost finished; it just needs editing. So, again, please review:p

-8-8-

ADDEK ADDICT ALL THE WAY! The Vajayjay Queen rocks! Go TEAM ADDIE! …Sometime after watching the season 2-finale I decided to stick with Team Addie…Derek pissed me off big time. --

-8-8-


	4. Storm Within

Title: Not Done Hurting

Author: Half-Human

Summary: Addison leaves, Meredith leaves, what is Derek going to do? What happens to our beloved Vajayjay Queen? Guest starring: characters from Law & Order: SVU. NOT A CROSS OVER. Just some guest starring...you don't need to know anything about SVU. ;p  
ADDEK

Disclaimer: Grey's Anatomy and all its wonderful characters belong to the genius Shonda Rhimes and everyone who's helped put this drama together. Law and Order: SVU and all its characters also aren't mine…unfortunately. What I'd give to have the criminal justice system at my disposal…hmm. ;)

Author's Note: Thanks for the reviews, they really are what keep me writing, lol-->i'm pretty lazy ;p I was planning on posting this later on, but someone posted a story of a similar nature, so I couldn't help myself. …;p Slight warning toward the end. PLEASE READ AND REVIEW!

-8-8-

That night in his trailer, Derek couldn't sleep. He tried to catch up on his paper work, but found that he couldn't concentrate. He had taken a hot shower, had some tea, and even tried to count sheep. Nothing. His mind was numb from thinking about the day's events…and about Addison. How had he managed to lose so much? He had left his wife, fell in love with Meredith, returned to his old love, then lost her, then lost Meredith. He continued to think of his two relationships, wondering how they went so wrong and which one was the genuine one, the one that he was meant to have but screwed up. Hours passed as he pondered the various implications of his situation. He thought he'd never get some sleep, and he was actually correct. The moment his eyes were closing and he was losing consciousness he heard Meredith's words ring in his ears, "Don't deny yourself Derek, you still care for her…"

Derek jolted up from his bed. Meredith was right, it was Addison that he loved, that he needed. It was her laughter that he missed in the morning, her scent he loved to bask in under the covers, and her attitude he loved to deal with. He groaned as he realized that in less than a week his trailer had lost its faint scent of Addison's perfume and had returned to the smell of aftershave and dingy socks. He quickly unplugged his cell phone from its charger and looked up a familiar number. It rang three times.

"Hello, Weiss, hey this is Derek, I know its early over there but I have a problem."

"Hey Derek, no worries, I'm already up and off to work." Derek forgot about the time difference and the fact that he hadn't slept at all throughout the night. He heard the morning hustle and bustle of the streets of Brooklyn in the background. "What's up man?"

"I'm sure you heard about Addison-"

"Yeah. I'm sorry about everything Derek, but I know everything will work out. If you need to talk, I'm here. I know you wanted this divorce, so you will be fine…it _is_ kind of weird though. I love Addison like a sister and she is-"

"Weiss, I…" Derek didn't know how to begin, "Weiss, I regret what I did. I don't _know_ what I did. I…It was a mistake." Derek heard Weiss sigh over the phone. There was a long pause before he spoke.

"Man Derek…are you sure? From what I heard, and forgive me but I did speak with Addison, you were really…_sure_ about the separation."

"Weiss, I know, but I was angry, we had an argument, it all came out. I haven't even turned in the divorce papers yet. They're signed, but I feel like ripping them apart. I wasn't thinking, and I thought that I could fix-"

"Alright, alright. How about you just call her Derek? Just speak with her. Maybe, somehow, I don't know, with a _very_ persuasive speech or something, she'll listen to you. …I don't know man…"

"No Weiss, I can't. I just can't. I don't have it in me. And…goodness, she was also responsible Weiss! I tried-" Derek felt himself growing angry and frustrated. He hated how whenever dealing with Addison he felt so many emotions. He took a deep breath and continued, "Weiss, I just need a favor. That's all."

"What is it Derek?" Weiss sighed. Derek could almost hear Weiss' thoughts of "you are unbelievable Derek!" but chose to dismiss it.

"I want you to look after Addison, just check up on her now and then."

"Derek, I always do that. I told you, she is like a sister, I love Addison. In fact she is staying with us this weekend. We are going to-"

"I know, I know. I mean, can you…keep me updated? Tell me how she's doing?"

"Derek, I'm not going to be your little spy. Just man up and call her. Seriously."

"I don't want to hurt her." Derek finally let out, voicing his concern. Weiss sighed once again, and responded.

"Fine Derek, but _you_ have to call _me_ …and don't you think this is some secret of ours. Savy and I share everything. I'm doing this because you're my friend Derek, but I want to let you know that I rather see you try to fight for her, than let her go and watch her on the sidelines." Derek ignored his last comment, he just felt so grateful that Weiss agreed to keep in touch with him.

"Thank you Weiss, thanks so much. It's just that I need time, and I want to give her time too. I don't know, maybe if I know she is doing fine, with time I'll be ok…I don't know..."

"Ok. Well I'm just about to head into the subway; the car is in the shop. I'm going to have to let you go."

"Ok, take care Weiss, and thanks again. I'll be calling soon."

"Fine, talk to you later then." Derek heard the clicking sound of the phone and was overcome by a sense of relief.

-8-8-

The following weeks after that night Derek called Weiss periodically. Every two or three days he'd phone his buddy over in NYC and ask him what was going on. "She's doing fine Derek," Weiss told him one evening. "Savy and her went out shopping yesterday and I swear, they cleaned out this boutique on 7th avenue!" Derek had to laugh. It was so Addison.

"That's great Weiss, I hope she is doing fine. I just want her to-"

"Well…" Weiss interrupted.

"Well what?" Derek asked, slightly concerned.

"Well, although she goes out a lot, she sometimes seems distracted and distanced. I don't know, its still early, but even Savy has noticed it. Of course I don't know all the details about their girl-talk," he chuckled slightly, "but I think that she is still having a hard time adjusting. That's normal though."

"Yeah…I know," Derek said solemnly, as if Weiss was addressing him. "If it gets worse, tell me, ok?"

"Sure, but honestly, what good will it do? Derek, you need to stop doing this. You either want to mend your relationship or you want to end it. Choose, this 'keeping an eye on Addison' is pretty detrimental, you know what I mean? You can't do this to yourself. Besides, I am starting to feel like a spy. What you're doing is creepy and fairly pathetic." Weiss didn't get a response from Derek. "-Sorry. I didn't mean that, its just that-"

"Its ok Weiss, I get it. Fine. I'll stop the incessant calls, but promise me you'll call me if anything gets weird, because…because I still love Addison," Derek was shocked he actually said it, "and I-"

"Ok Derek. Fine. I have to go. Savy and I, well we have something planned for tonight." Derek smiled. He loved the relationship his friends had. He loved that they were able to work things out between them. He loved them and he envied them. Why couldn't he have what they had?

-8-8-

Weeks passed before Derek called Weiss again, and his conversation was more about what was occurring in with Weiss and Savannah than what was happening with Addison. He never stopped thinking of her though. She was always in his head, in the back somewhere, always popping up whenever he'd see a redhead, or a very-pregnant woman, or a nice pair of stilettos… Weiss had simply said that Addison had grown more distant, but that she seemed to be managing. "She ran into Mark," Weiss told him during that conversation. Derek immediately made a fist and grimaced. "Savy told me that Mark tried to woo her and ordered like a truck-load of flowers. Her office looks like a damn floral shop." Derek was steaming. He clenched his cell phone in his hand, and hoped that it wouldn't break on him. Why hadn't he pummeled that son of a bitch when he had the chance? Why did he simply walk away when he caught him with his wife? "Derek?" Weiss asked, as he heard nothing from his friend.

"Yes?" Derek managed to say, anger and jealousy surging through him.

"Don't worry. Addison didn't fall for him. She told him she wasn't ready. Savy said that Addison wants nothing with him but friendship. I just hope he gets that message, the bastard seems persistent." Derek rubbed the bridge of his nose and tried to calm down. He took a deep breadth. "Well Derek, I have to go. I have work to do."

"Thanks Weiss. Take care and say hello to Savy for me."

"No problem."

-8-8-

A couple more weeks passed and Derek hadn't heard from Weiss. Derek was starting to accept what had happened and tried to move on. He continued on with his daily routines, and many of them included working with Meredith. Surprisingly, he had gotten over her. She was right all along. It was Addison that he truly loved, and Addison that he never stopped loving.

-8-8-

It was a menacing gray outside and it was pouring. The rain was falling and hitting as hard as hail. "It hasn't rained like this in a while," Derek commented, as he got ready for his afternoon shift.

"Yeah, they said it is going to get really bad, flash floods and everything" Bailey responded, as they both looked out the nearest window. Lighting struck. They heard thunder. "Prepare for accidents, you know its rush-hour, and those streets don't look too tire-friendly." Derek nodded, and as if on cue, Christiana Yang ran up to Bailey and Derek, panting.

"Accident. Car crash. Five hit, two seriously injured. One of them may need immediate surgery."

"Here we go," Bailey said, putting down her coffee.

-8-8-

Derek followed Bailey, amazed at how that small woman could walk so fast. When they reached all of the injured, Derek quickly assessed the situation. Three of them had minor injuries, which luckily included the little girl among the group. He turned to a woman on one of the stretchers. Her head was in a brace and she had several interns checking her. The other person on a stretcher, apparently the one of the drivers, had extensive head injuries. Derek figured he was the one that needed the surgery.

Bailey started barking orders, and Burke was called in to examine the woman on the stretcher. The room was crowded and the floor was dripping wet. Everyone was talking at the same time, and the young girl suddenly began crying when she witnessed the woman on the stretcher begin to convulse. The sudden thunder only added to the tension in the crowded room. Derek was still trying to examine his new patient, when he heard an someone call him.

"Dr. Shepherd…Dr. Shepherd." Derek was not in the mood to be interrupted, the young intern was insistent. "Dr. Shepherd, Excuse me-"

"What!" he yelled irritated. The young intern swallowed hard and then answered,

"You have an urgent call."

"It can wait, can't you see we have an emergency?"

"But Dr. Shepherd, it's the police." Derek didn't know how to respond, he simply called O'Malley and Yang, the closest interns and told them to cover him. Derek, not sure what to expect, ran as quickly as possible to main desk.

"Hello," he said, breathing heavily on the phone receiver.

"Is this Derek Shepherd?" a woman asked on the other line.

"Yes, this is he."

"My name is Detective Benson, NYPD. I work for the Special Victims Unit. This isn't an easy call to make…I regret to inform you that Addison Montgomery Shepherd has been-"

-Click-

The call dropped and was followed by an immediate shut down of all the lights. Derek suddenly found himself surrounded by darkness. He could see nothing, but he felt as if the room was spinning. He suddenly heard dozens of footsteps, people shouting, and the elevated screams of crying child- but it was all muted in a way, everything sounded like some twisted slow-motion soundtrack from the Twilight Zone. He heard murmurs, thumps, and cries, and his mind was spinning, replaying the words he had just heard, "Special Victims Unit. Addison Montgomery Shepherd. Special Victims Unit…" Lightening flashed, allowing a momentary sickly-blue color to wash in through the nearest window. 'What the hell is going on?' Derek thought frantically.

-8-8-

Derek found that he couldn't move; he was frozen. He felt like something had literally punctured him, and he couldn't move for fear of making his injury worse.

"Dr. Shepherd!" he heard a familiar voice call. It was Meredith. She ran to him and pulled him by the arm. "Hurry up," she urged as Derek slowly pulled himself from his strange trance.

"What happened?" he asked, finally in the gist of the situation. His vision had slowly adjusted to the dark.

"Guess!" she offered. Derek looked irritated, confused, and didn't respond, "The storm killed the power, but for some reason, the emergency power hasn't kicked in yet…the chief is really going…going crazy." She said, not knowing what other word to use. They were jogging to where Derek's latest patient was but then Derek stopped.

"Come on, Dr. Yang and Dr. O'Malley need your orders," Meredith said.

"No," Derek said shaking his head, clearly perplexed and worried. He turned and started to leave, but Bailey noticed the interaction between the two. Meredith was shocked.

"Dr. Shepherd, where the hell do you think you are going?" Bailey spat, raising her voice above everyone else's. She was clearly pissed, and she had dark splotches of blood on her chest.

"I have to go," was all Derek could muster.

"Boy, if you do not get your ass over to that patient, you're _gonna_ get it. I'm telling you right now." Derek slowly shook his head, and felt the sensation of nausea build within him.

"Miranda…" he spoke slowly and walked up to her. He rarely called her by her first name, and Bailey eyed him suspiciously. "I have an emergency, I have to go."

"Child, look around! What the hell is wrong with you? What's _your_ emergency?" Derek looked at Bailey and felt tears begin to collect in his eyes. He blinked furiously and ran his hand over his face. Miranda seemed to soften up a little. "Its Addison, Miranda…" he gulped, finding it hard to speak.

"Addison's been raped."

-8-8-

Please R/R. Tell me what you think. Don't kill me though! ;p PLEASE READ AND REVIEW.

-8-8-

ADDEK-ADDICT ALL THE WAY! The Vajayjay Queen Rules. ;p …I really really hope Derek comes to his senses next season…

-8-8-


	5. Nightmare Revisited

Title: Not Done Hurting

Author: Half-Human

Summary: What happens to our beloved Vajayjay Queen after her horrendous ordeal? Guest starring: characters from Law & Order: SVU.

Disclaimer: Grey's Anatomy and all its wonderful characters belong to the genius Shonda Rhimes and everyone who's helped put this drama together. Law and Order: SVU and all its characters also aren't mine…unfortunately. What I'd give to have the criminal justice system at my disposal…hmm. ;)

Author's Note: Ok, first chapter up since I've become a TI member. Oh. Yeah. Sorry for posting this so late. I had a bit of writer's block, with a touch of laziness, and some distraction (other fics)…;p Anywayz, one with the drama!

-8-8-

Bailey didn't know how to respond. Her facial expression instantly shifted from one of extreme agitation to one of confusion and fear. She just shook her head slowly from side to side, and somberly thought, 'Lord, this cannot be happening.' She was standing in a crowded loud room, filled with wet injured people, a crying child and eerie darkness. She desperately tried to clear her mind and filter all the noise out; the Nazi was finally stumped. Worry etched on her face, Miranda forced herself to speak. "Derek, this better not be some sick joke…" she began shaking her head, trying to keep her emotions at bay. Suddenly Derek's face seemed to contort a little and he quickly put a hand over his face. He lowered his head. Miranda stood frozen as she witnessed the once savvy pain-in-the-behind smart-ass break down in front of her. "Derek," Miranda began, clearly seeing that she had to take control of the situation. "Go to Richard. Request emergency leave." Derek nodded, and wiping away the tears that had managed to trickle down his face, he turned and walked away.

"Dr. Shepherd," Bailey called him before he left the scene. Derek slowly turned. "Keep me updated. I want to know what happened, how she is doing, _everything_…seriously. She is my friend."

-8-8-

As he walked through the dark corridors and passed dozens of rampant interns, attendings, and patients, Derek searched his pockets for his cell-phone. It was silent on mode. It read 14 missed calls over the course of 40 minutes. Derek cursed himself for not checking his phone. He scrolled through the missed calls: Weiss, Savvy, NYPD, Savvy, Private, Private, Weiss, Mark—Mark! Derek stared the illuminated name on the tiny screen and felt like slamming the phone to the floor. Just the thought of _that_ man being in New York, closer to Addie than he was, pissed him off so much. And Mark had actually phoned Derek! Derek inhaled deeply trying to suppress his anger and get a hold of his nausea. Suddenly the screen on his phone lit up. It was a call. It was Weiss.

-8-8-

"Weiss! What the hell happened?" Derek shouted into his cell phone. Derek had stopped in one of the dark hallways of Seattle Grace and leaned against a corner wall.

"Derek, we've been trying to contact you for over half and hour!" Weiss cried, irritated, his voice shook as he spoke.

"I know man…I know. I just got a call from the NYPD and the power got knocked out here…Oh my god." Derek inhaled and exhaled deeply again before continuing. "What happened to Addie…is she ok? Please Weiss, tell me she's ok!"

"Derek. She's here at Mt. Sinai. I'm not going to lie to you…she is pretty beaten up. They told us-"

"Who did it Weiss? Who the fuck did it!" Derek was screaming into his phone, anger was rising within him, his face was reddening, and tears were threatening to fall.

"Derek. We don't know. The police are on it, but Derek, she was lucky. The cops said the bastard didn't get to…didn't actually rape her. She fought back Derek. She fought." At hearing those words, Derek felt his knees go limp and his body slowly slide to the ground. He let the tears fall, and even though images of Addie flashed through his mind, his nausea dissipated. "They're still running a rape kit Derek, she may have gotten a good piece of the bastard…Derek?" Derek found it hard clear his mind, memories of Addie flashed wildly in through his head. Addison's smile, Addison's "you know you love me" stare, Addison's laugh, Addison's reprimands, her pleas for forgiveness, her tears, her slamming the door in his face, her departure… "Derek!" Derek suddenly realized he still had his phone to his ear.

"I'm coming Weiss, I'm coming," Derek finally responding, closing his flip phone and slowly lifting himself up from the dark corner.

-8-8-

Addison lay in bed. She was in a small room in Mt. Sinai's third floor. Her dressings were tightly wrapped around her head and abdomen. Her head was pounding and she felt as if she couldn't move without something hurting. She had been sleeping for quite sometime, but still felt tired. She could remember snippets of what happened but honestly wanted to forget all of it. All she knew was that she wanted to forget, and she wanted Savy and Weiss to stay with her until she was given the right to go home.

Weiss and Savy had remained with her throughout her entire stay at Sinai. Savy never left her side and made sure she was with Addie while evidence for the rape kit was being collected. As Addison slowly woke up from her drug-induced sleep she noticed that she wasn't alone with Savy and Weiss.

"Addison? Do you think you can answer some questions?" a tall brunette began. Addison looked up at detective Benson, and noticed that her partner, Elliot Stabler was sitting in the back of the room. Benson had heard about Addison's marital problems and so decided to address the injured woman by her first name. She wasn't sure what exactly was going on with Addison's marriage, but she was obligated to call Derek, he was legally her husband. The detectives had waited for Addison to get some rest and because her doctor told them that she suffered great trauma to the head and torso. Addison turned to Savy, who sat beside her, and Weiss, who stood by Benson. Weiss simply smiled encouragingly, and Savy squeezed Addison's hand.

"Yes, I think I'm up for it," Addison whispered. Weiss and Savy, signaled by Benson, left the room. Savy gave Addison a kiss on the cheek and whispered,

"You are so strong Addie, you'll be fine."

-8-8-

Addison inhaled deeply. Benson and Stabler quickly pulled up chairs next to Addison's bed and pulled out a notepad, pencil, and what looked like a recorder; they weren't able to question her about the details of her ordeal earlier.

"Ok, I know this is hard for you Addison, but we need you to remember more about what happened. So far we understand that your shift ended at midnight and you decided to visit the local restaurant on 104th and Lexington. On your way to La Isla, you passed by some neighborhood kids who knew you, then you went under the Metro North-line bridge on 102nd and Park, and that's when you were attacked…" Addison nodded slowly, memories of that night beginning to invade her consciousness. "Ok, so what we need is a more detailed description of your attacker. What exactly did the man look like? Smell like? Any birthmark, scars, tattoos? So far we have: a medium built, white man with a beard, you've never seen him before, he wore a black leather jacket and jeans. Correct?" Addison simply stared at her hands. The bed was elevated to the sitting position. Benson let the redheaded woman take her time.

"Yes," Addison replied a few seconds later.

"Ok good, so-"

"He asked me for the time," Addison interrupted, "it was late and whenever I travel in Spanish Harlem late at night, I ignore any men that approach me. I kept on walking…He asked again, and I made an effort to walk faster…then he called me by my name. He said… 'Dr. Shepherd, don't be a cold bitch….'" Addison was lost in her memory. She was staring at her hands, which quivered slightly. "I finally turned around, slightly alarmed and hoping that the guy was just playing a joke, but I didn't even recognize him, he wasn't from the neighborhood…. Once I turned around he lunged forward. I was caught off guard. He pushed me against the wall, I kicked him in the spot, and he-he fell back a little. Then he came at me and …and punched me…" Addison, still looking down, lifted one of her hands and gently traced it down the side of her now bruised face. "I…I fell and then I kicked up, and then-"

"Addison," Benson stepped in carefully, "this took place under the

The Metro-North crossing, right? 102nd and Lexington?" Addison nodded slightly, her eyes still focused on what looked like her hands. Benson and Stabler knew she was somewhere else, lost in some horrific memory. "Then what happened?" Benson asked softly. Addison narrowed her eyes, inhaled and exhaled.

"He fell back again, and then I tried to get up…I dropped my purse and my clothes were smeared black from the puddles…and then I felt him grab me from behind…He turned me around and slammed me against the wall…" Addison couldn't help but feel tears begin well in her eyes. "It hurt so much…I knew my head was bleeding…and I fell to the ground…and I tried to kick up again…and I scratched at him, but he held my arms down and then he started to pull at my clothes…my head hurt so much…and he was trying to…trying to touch me…and-"

"Addison," Benson tried to interrupt the injured woman, she didn't want the woman to relive the entire ordeal. "Addison, I think that's enough for-"

"And then I spit in his face," Addison continued, anger building within her, and clearly oblivious to what Benson said. "He laughed then…he fucking laughed…and then he stopped touching and he put his face right in front of mine and he…and he licked my cheek." Addison was now allowing the tears to fall freely, and couldn't help but feel dirty.

"Addison, I think that's fine-"

"He said, 'Oh what a feisty one we have here…the perfect twenty-first century woman…and then I don't know, I must have passed out." Addison suddenly snapped out of her reverie, tears still flowing down her swollen face. Benson looked at the woman on the bed, and knew the Addison had been through hell.

"The perfect twenty-first century woman?" Stabler finally spoke. He narrowed his eyes in concentration and quickly jotted down something in his pad. Benson simply looked at Addison, sympathy in her eyes, and placed her hand over Addison's.

"It's going to be ok. You fought him, and you were lucky those neighborhood boys heard you kicking that guys' butt," Benson smirked, and Addison gave a weak smile. The neighborhood teenagers knew Addison for a long time, a couple of them had Addison treat their mothers, sisters, deliver their siblings and nephews and nieces. They loved her and always chatted with her whenever she strolled by the housing projects. Of course when she was with Derek, Derek would seldom allow her to wander off into Spanish Harlem by herself. He actually hated that Addie would wander into all parts of the city and ride the subway; he always preferred hailing a cab and calling it a day. Then again, he wasn't originally from NYC like Addie was. "Luckily those boys scared the perp off," Benson continued. "I hope this wasn't too-"

Benson was interrupted by a loud crash and yelling coming from outside the room. Stabler quickly got to his feat and ran to the door. Addison wasn't sure what was going on, but as Stabler open the door, she caught a glimpse of a very angry Derek strangling a flower-and-teddy-bear wielding Mark. Weiss was trying to separate the two. Stabler started yelling, "Hey hey hey! What the hell is going on here?" Benson followed trying to help Weiss separate the two men. Addison just stared in shock as the door to her room slowly closed shut; the commotion from outside was still audible.

"Oh my God," was all Addison managed to say.

-8-8-

OK, so what do you think? Sorry again for the long wait. Should I post this on TI, if I do, should I/could I post the entire fic thus far in its entirety in one post? Is the cursing too much for TI? Please R/R! Tell me what you think, comments, suggestions, anything. Thanks again for the reviews.

-8-8-

The Vajayjay Queen Rules!

Go Team Addie! Woot Woot!

-8-8-


	6. Another Obstacle

Title: Not Done Hurting

Author: Half-Human

Summary: What happens when two grown men fight over a woman in the halls of Mt. Sinai hospital? What happens with our beloved Addie? ADDEK.

Disclaimer: Grey's Anatomy and all its wonderful characters belong to the genius Shonda Rhimes and everyone who's helped put this drama together. Law and Order: SVU and all its characters also aren't mine…unfortunately.

Author's Note: Sorry for the long wait. I had my hs grad yesterday and I actually have one more graduation to go…don't ask ;p. slight warning w/ the language. This chap might not be so exciting but plz R/R. :D kk, and the drama continues…

-8-8-

Derek still had his hands tightly gripped around Mark's neck when Mark suddenly dropped his flowers and stuffed animal and punched Derek in the stomach. Derek loosened his grip and stumbled back. He was about to charge at Mark again but felt someone pull his arms back behind him and slam his body against the nearest wall. It was Detective Elliot Stabler. Derek hadn't even noticed the man. He simply stood there with his face pressed against the wall and saw from the corner of his eye that a brunette had floored Mark. It was Detective Benson and she had her hands pressed firmly against Mark's wrist. The flowers that Mark brought were now stomped upon, its pedals crumpled underneath his body.

"What the hell just happened?" Stabler asked, breathing heavily. Weiss walked back to Savy, who simply stared wide-eyed at the spectacle before her. "Who the hell are you?" Stabler demanded, screaming in Derek's ear, quite pissed that he and Olivia were interrupted while speaking with Addison.

"Who are _you_?" Derek retorted, still stunned that some strange man just crushed him against the wall.

"Detective Stabler, NYPD. I repeat, who the _hell _are you?"

"I'm…I'm Addison's _husband_," Derek said, trying to catch his breathe and calm the fury within him.

"He's nothing, Addison doesn't want him," Mark shot out suddenly from his place on the floor, "He treats her like sh-"

"Shut the fuck up! You stay away from her!" Derek yelled. He tried to escape Stabler's grasp but was met with another slam to the wall.

"Ok, ok. We end this here." Benson stepped in, pulling handcuffs out from behind her and fastening them on Mark's wrists. Stabler did the same with Derek.

"Wait. What are you doing?" Mark asked as Benson pulled him to his feet, Derek wore an expression of fear.

"Well one of you started this and so one of you will be charged with assault…. So, who started it?" Benson asked as she flashed her badge in Mark's face and quickly put it away. Derek noticed Benson's badge as well and suddenly realized the consequences of his actions.

"Oh no…please! I have to see Addison," Derek began, realizing that he would be the one charged with assault; he had struck Mark first. "I hit first, I admit, but…please. I can't leave now, I just got here and I have to see my wife." Benson and Stabler eyed each other. They knew they were in a difficult situation, but they had to stick to the rules.

"Well this man is the one that's going to charge you with assault, we can't do anything," Stabler said flatly, pointing to Mark. Derek suddenly realized that Mark was the one to decide his fate. Mark could either drop the charges, allowing Derek see Addison, or let him get arrested and hauled off to the nearest precinct. Derek closed his eyes and cursed himself.

-8-8-

"Mark," Derek forced himself to speak. Mark's neck was still red from Derek's grasp and his button-down was ragged and beyond wrinkled. "Mark. I know I've been a complete ass, but you have to understand. I _need_ to see Addison…please." Derek felt as if his begging was futile, but he had to try.

"Do you realize that you just attacked me for no apparent reason? You attacked me in the middle of a hallway at my job without any provocation. You-"

"You slept with my wife!" Derek snapped. His hair was shuffled and his eyes were bloodshot. He had under eye bags, and basically looked like he'd been through hell.

"She isn't your wife Derek, you left her, in so many ways! And I tried to be your friend too, hell I even tried to call you when I found out about Addie," Mark answered back. Derek hated hearing those words because even though Mark did sleep with Addison, Derek knew that he was partly responsible for his wife's infidelity. He sighed and looked at Mark through drowsy-red eyes.

"Mark. I…beg you. Please," Derek paused, thinking through what he'd say next, "Please Mark, drop the charges and I'll…I'll think about mending our friendship…about forgetting the past…anything. I just want to see that Addison is alright…and I'm sure that you want to see her as well." Derek couldn't help it, he was desperate, and his desperation seemed to temporarily dull his hatred of Mark. Despite the twos' differences, they both cared deeply about Addison.

Mark wasn't sure he heard Derek correctly. Forgiveness? A renewal of friendship? Mark thought through Derek's words and about the old times he shared with him. 'No, I have to press charges, he deserves this and so much more,' he thought, fuming, but then he recalled having to file a report a couple years ago. He remembered all the paper work and the hours spent at a precinct downtown. If he pressed charges now, yes Derek would be paying for what he did, but the process of filing a report would only prolong his visiting Addison. Mark also couldn't ignore the prospect of ending his feud with Derek. He sighed loudly, and frowned at his old best friend.

"I'm dropping the charges," he suddenly said, his voice barely audible. Derek eyes widened in amazement. Mark had just let Derek off the hook. Derek looked at Mark and seriously wondered how his pleading had been effective. Benson exchanged glances with Elliot and then the two proceeded to release Mark and Derek from their handcuffs.

-8-8-

The two men rubbed their wrist once the cuffs were taken off and walked up to each other. Weiss and an angry-looking Savy simply stood by bracing themselves for another showdown. The two men were a mere two feet apart when Derek lifted his hand and met Mark's with a firm handshake.

"Mark," Derek whispered, "Thank you." In the last 24 hours Derek had faced blow after blow and he was tired; he was relieved that the fighting was over and that he was almost there, beside his Addie. Derek took a deep breadth and looked Mark in the eye, "All I have to say is that I'm still, _legally,_ Addison's husband." Derek watched the expression of shock on Mark's face; evidently Mark didn't know this. "I ask you, please, respect our marriage. If you truly care for Addison and you want to forget the past between us, please let us be." Derek felt Mark's grip tighten on his hand and began to doubt this newfound stalemate between them, but then Mark responded,

"I just want to see Addison." Derek only nodded and let go of Mark's hand, the two started toward Addison's room, when Savy suddenly stepped in front of them, hands at her waist.

"No," she blurted. Weiss didn't know what she was up to.

-8-8-

"Savy, what gives?" he asked moving toward her and trying to guide her away from Mark and Derek's path; she stood her ground.

"I've been standing here watching the two of you fight like animals over my best friend," she shook her head from left to right. "I have been with her, I know what she's been through, and I can tell you right now that she does not need this," Savy pointed to Derek and Mark, "she's not a piece of meat you can just make a deal for," she continued, "and she sure as hell doesn't want to see either of you, because no matter-"

"Savy," Weiss tried to interject. Suddenly Benson walked up to Savy.

"Hold on, wait out here," Olivia said, directing her words to Derek and Mark. She motioned Savy toward Addison's room and as she entered Derek and Mark tried to catch a glimpse of their beloved Addie. Stabler blocked their view; he stood protectively in front of the door.

-8-8-

"What the hell is going on out there?" Addison asked the moment Benson and Savy stepped into her room. Her head was still pounding and seeing both Mark and Derek battling outside didn't help ease the pain. Savy sat beside her.

"They want to see you, Addie, Mark and Derek…

They've actually stopped fighting…for now." Savy's answer was met with silence. Addison simply turned her gaze away from her best friend and looked up at the ceiling. It was one of those moments Addison felt it appropriate to yell, "why me?" but she remained silent and quickly thought through all that had occurred in the last twenty-something hours.

Savy and Benson just stared at the injured redhead and wondered what she was thinking. They watched as Addison's confused expression changed to one of fear then to one of anger.

"No," she suddenly whispered. She turned to Savy and Benson; her swollen face reddened, and shook her head slowly. "I can't see them now…I can't let them see me like this." Savy nodded supportively and put both hands over one of Addison's. "I can't see Mark, he still thinks he can win me over and…the most I'd want with him is friendship…so no. I don't want to see him." Savy couldn't help herself and asked,

"And Derek?" Addison returned her gaze to the ceiling and Savy could see Addie's eyes begin to water. Benson suddenly shifted uncomfortably as she stood near Savy; she felt odd listening to such a personal conversation. Addison narrowed her eyes, and looked to Savy. A tear meandered its way down her face.

"I can't Savy…not now. I said it was over. I mean…it _is_ over. We…he, he hurt me Savy and he…" Addison looked down then asked, "When did he get here?"

"From the looks of it, he flew in not too long ago. He stepped through the elevator with a small duffel bag in hand, then dropped it and ran like a wild man when he saw Mark." Savy explained. Savy had mixed feelings about Addison's situation. It seemed as if Addison should've just told Mark and Derek to go to hell, but at the same time Savy noticed her friend's insecurities when it came to Derek. Did Addison really want to end it with Derek? Savy, sitting there with her troubled friend, now thought it over. 'Addison still has feelings for Derek, and her breakup with him was most likely an act frustration than one of honest liberation from her relationship.' Savy sighed.

"Well then they won't be let in," Benson suddenly spoke. "I'll let them know." The tall brunette left the room.

-8-8-

"Detective," Weiss said as Benson stepped out from Addison's room. The men all stared at her, awaiting her verdict.

"Sorry, Mark, Derek, Addison doesn't want to see you. She's not up for it, and we would really appreciate it if you would leave this vicinity and respect her wishes."

-8-8-

Derek and Mark stood frozen and Weiss just looked down at the floor. Stabler suddenly pulled Derek a couple of feet away from the group.

"We are still investigating Addison's case. We're running a rape kit and once we get the results we'll have more of lead to go on," Stabler looked as the man before him, seemingly somewhere else, lost in thought, nodded. Regardless of Derek's marital problems, Derek, as Addison's husband, had the right to know about his wife's case. "We are working really-" Stabler's cell phone suddenly rang. "Stabler," he said once he opened his flip phone. "Yeah…" Stabler walked away from Derek, who was still dumbfounded. Derek had lost Addison, who he realized too late, was the love of his life. She had left and he let her go, he drove her away and she got hurt. She refused to see him. The thought that he had driven his wife away pained him so much. He stood by himself unable to shake his thoughts away from failure and loss. All he wanted was to be with Addison, see that she was ok, and hold her tightly in his arms. 'I would never let her leave again…I would never let her hurt again,' he thought, dreaming of a day when he and Addison would return to the couple they once were.

"We've got to go," Stabler announced seriously to his partner. Olivia nodded.

"We have to go now but we trust you'll abide Addison's request," Benson said to Derek and Mark. At that moment Mark walked away, he headed in the direction he came from, presumably toward his locker room. "I think you should head off too," Benson told Derek, "unless you have good ties with Addison's family. We had difficulty contacting them but they are on their way now." Derek thought about an encounter with Addison's parents and shuddered at the thought. They loved him, or at least they used to, and he was pretty sure they wouldn't want to see him now. Derek was also well aware of Mr. Montgomery's temper and he didn't want to get beat down by the tall man; Addie got her height _and_ her attitude from her father.

-8-8-

Derek, feeling defeated, simply walked up to Benson and Stabler and pleaded,

"Please find the bastard who hurt Addison, _please_. I want him to pay, I want him to suffer…" Derek couldn't help it anymore, his eyes watered and he didn't care who saw him. He also ignored the irony of his statement; he too had hurt Addison. 'But I'm already suffering,' he thought miserably.

"We _will_ get this perp," Stabler answered with a degree of certainty. He gave Derek a weak smile and squeezed his shoulder. Benson and Stabler headed to the elevator and Weiss just repeated what Stabler told him,

"Derek… man, I think you should go. I don't know what you were thinking, but you don't come in a hospital kicking, shouting, and swinging. If you want, you can crash at my place for tonight, but chances are that Addie may want to stay with us, and in that case, you'll have to go." Weiss tossed Derek a pair of keys and Derek, still lost in thought, let the keys hit his chest and fall to the ground. He slowly picked them up and headed off to the elevator at the end of the hall.

"Take care of her," Derek said, his words a hoarse whisper. He headed to the elevator and noticed that Weiss had already reentered Addison's room. As Derek picked up his abandoned duffle bag he thought about how every step was taking him further away from his love. 'Why is this happening,' he thought, his eyes now threatening to close on him because of exhaustion. 'Haven't I've suffered enough? I need to see her.' Derek continued to think of his Addie, beaten and broken, and his desperation suddenly rose. 'I've come too far,' he thought as he stood in front of the elevator. The elevator suddenly opened, and Derek stepped aside to let a couple of nurses out. 'No,' he thought sternly and watched silently as the doors closed before him.

"I'm not leaving," he finally voiced. He was going to see Addison, he was going to see his wife and perhaps speak with her, communicate how much he loved her, how much he needed her and how much he wanted to be there for her. Sure she didn't want to see him, but Derek truly believed that he could make her listen, change her mind, make her at least realize how sorry he was for…for everything. Derek didn't give a damn about the repercussions, he was going to see wife; he was going to be with his Addie. Derek turned and began to retrace his steps, his destination: room 324, Addison's room.

-8-8-

What do you think? Sorry about the late post, I've been pretty busy lately and I had a bit of writer's block with this chap. If you have questions, advice, or simply want to comment- plz review. :p I would really appreciate it.

-8-8-

GO TEAM ADDIE! Woot woot!

-8-8-


	7. Weakness

Title: Not Done Hurting

Author: Half-Human

Summary: What happens when Derek finally confronts a hurt Addie? (ADDEK)

Disclaimer: Grey's Anatomy and all its wonderful characters belong to the genius Shonda Rhimes and everyone who's helped put this drama together. Law and Order: SVU and all its characters also aren't mine…unfortunately.

Author's Note: Sorry for the long wait. I had to tackle writer's block and had like no time to do it. Sucked.

-8-8-8-

As Derek pushed open the door to Addison's room, his heart raced and his palms started sweating. He stepped in and there she was, right in front of him. Derek could hear the protests of Weiss and Savy, but his focus remained on Addison. She lay in bed, her head bandaged, her eyes droopy, and her face marred by a dark maroon bruise.

"Addie," he whispered stepping forward. Weiss suddenly stepped in front of Derek and blocked his view of Addison.

"Derek! What's wrong with you man? What did I tell you before?" Derek frowned at his old friend and clenched his fists. Savy quickly pulled Weiss aside and both headed out of the small room.

"Addie," Derek continued his journey. He walked to her bedside and sought her hand, but Addison quickly moved her wrist and averted his gaze. "Addie, please." Addison had her faced turned away from Derek. She stared at something Derek could not comprehend. "Addie," Derek proceeded to gently place the backside of his hand on her bruise. His insides cringed. He never saw Addie with such an injury. Addison seemed to shy away from his touch.

"What do you want?" She finally asked bitterly. The two locked eyes. Derek noticed that Addie had been crying and that something was gone, a kind of flare that she always had. Her eyes showed a deep loss, as if that spark he'd grown to love had slowly flickered away after countless storms of heavy rain. Addison was not defeated, but she was somehow damaged. Derek stared into her eyes and desperately tried to reclaim what was once his—her warmth, trust, love.

Nothing, Addison's eyes held nothing for him.

"Addie…I've been so worried," was all Derek managed to say. Addison was the first to break the gaze between the two. She shook her head and frowned.

"So," she said, smirking and trying to suppress tears, "happy with what you see?" Derek was caught off guard by her question. "Well? Are you?" Addison asked again, wondering if Derek was finally content with seeing her at her worse.

"Addie, I don't know what you are talking about, but I've been wanting to talk with you for so long. I've wanted to hold you for so long. Addison, I miss you so much. I love you. I never stopped loving you. I was a jerk, a dick, a Mr. McAss-hole. I didn't realize how much you meant to me until you left."

"Bullshit. You never cared. You just kept chasing after _that_ woman, ignoring the one in front of you."

"You are right, I was indifferent and I was inconsiderate. And yes, I was thinking of Meredith when we were having sex, but it was a mistake, and I don't know what got into me. I was a loser. I was so ignorant, I didn't see you, I was blinded by stupidity, but now I know. Now I see and-"

"See what Derek? Now you see._ Now _you fucking see me," Addie was yelling now, "after I've been attacked, abused…almost raped." Addie found it hard to control her tears. "Nice time to have an epiphany. You're full of it Derek. You're fucking full of it!" Addie inhaled deeply, trying to rein her emotions. 'He only came because he found out I was hurt,' she thought solemnly. "You wanted me to hurt, you fucking bastard. Do you like what you see?" Addie locked eyes with man in front of her, desperately shunning the feelings of longing that spurred within her. She hated him for seeing her broken, and as they looked into each other's eyes, she never felt to vulnerable in her life.

-8-8-8-

"No. Addie, please," Derek managed to say, "you can call me all you want but I am not lying to you now. I wish you never left. I wish I were with you that night…I wish I could have protected you. Addie-"

"I don't need you're protection! I don't need you." Addie yelled, her quivering voice betraying her words' intentions.

"Addie, I'm so sorry…" Derek muttered, his face reddening, eyes watering. It was then that Addison noticed how wrecked Derek looked. His hair was everywhere, tousled and tangled. He looked like he hadn't shaved in days. His shirt was wrinkled, his eyes were rimmed with dark circles, and his lips were dry—chapped. "Addison. Please. Forgive me," he said, now letting his tears stream down his cheeks. He firmly grasped one of Addison's hands with both of his and bent down on his knees. "Please," he muttered, spittle dripping down his chin. He was crying.

"Don't," Addison began, feeling her anger waiver. "Please, stop. Derek, just stop," she pleaded. She felt the wall she had built between Derek and her begin to crumble. "Please," she whispered, tears falling down her cheek. She didn't even think she could cry more.

"Addison," Derek called between sobs. Addison wasn't sure what to do. She had told herself that she wanted nothing to do with Derek; she had preached about her independence, she had kept herself on top of her game. She was Addison. She had no weaknesses. 'Yes,' she always told herself, 'I can live with out him,' but at that moment, she knew it was all a lie. Derek was her weakness. Derek was the one that could truly tear her apart. He was the one that could make _and_ break her. She hated the idea, but it was true. 'Can I forgive him?' she wondered. 'How could I?' She lay there, thinking about her situation. She felt so lost, abandoned, and puzzled on top of the grave feelings of being violated, used, and aggressively abused.

Not sure what to do, Addie cried silently, joining the man that knelt at her bedside. 'What do I do?' she questioned, feeling the squeeze of Derek's hands on hers.

-8-8-8-

kk, enough for now. Sorry for the grim ending. What do yall think? Plz R/R!

-8-8-8-

GO TEAM ADDIE!

-8-8-8-


	8. Perp

Title: Not Done Hurting

Author: Half-Human --- aka: Satan's Hips, Addie's Intern, Addie's Bitch (she's got me whipped, ;p)

Summary: Addison learns more about her case and Derek continues his efforts to gain Addie's trust. (ADDEK)

Disclaimer: Grey's Anatomy and all its wonderful characters belong to the genius Shonda Rhimes and everyone who's helped put this drama together. Law and Order: SVU and all its characters also aren't mine, unfortunately.

Author's Note: Sorry for the long wait. --- writer's block + school + laziness made it hard to write.

-8-8-8-

"We have the results for the rape kit and we've run the finger prints collected through our database," Detective Stabler tried to explain the situation as simply as possible. He stood at Addison's bedside the following morning, the morning after Addie's encounter with Derek. Derek had been forced out of her room by the nurses on duty. Even Dr. Derek Shepherd, prestigious neurosurgeon extraordinaire, couldn't stay past visiting hours. He had left late last night. Detective Benson sat in Savy's old seat by Addison's bed. "Unfortunately," Stabler continued, "we found no matches in our database." Benson gave Addie's hand a squeeze and waited for her to take in the information.

"There's more," Olivia spoke softly. Suddenly the door opened to reveal a tired looking but well-groomed Derek. He held a cardboard crate holding two cups of coffee and had a plastic bag hanging from his wrist. Derek looked at the three and smiled weakly.

"What are you doing here?" Benson demanded.

"I'm here to visit my wife. I brought her-"

"I thought we told you to leave her alone," Stabler stepped in, clearly irritated.

"Its fine," Addison mumbled. She closed her eyes and sighed. She didn't want to deal with more Derek-drama and she knew that her marital status ensured that Derek would find out the details of her case.

"Addison," Stabler continued looking at the red head and seeing that she was ok with Derek's presence. "There have been two more attacks that we believe were committed by the same man who assaulted you. The fingerprints found and the fluid recovered from the victims all match each other. Given the perp's MO, we also believe he is responsible for an assault reported two days before yours. We believe that we're dealing with-"

"A serial rapist," Derek interrupted. Benson turned to Derek and nodded slowly. She watched as Addison's eyes widened and her free hand balled into a fist.

"So far the victims have been young successful independent women," Benson continued. "The perp has attacked a corporate lawyer, a stock broker, a company CEO, a realtor, and of course, a doctor. The women are all of high standing and all single. We-"

"Perfect twenty-first century women," Addison murmured lost in thought. Her statement was followed by silence as Benson continued to hold her hand.

"Well, why are you telling us this? Why aren't you out looking for the son of a bitch?" Derek asked, annoyed. "He could strike again and hurt another woman." He wasn't sure if he was annoyed because the perp who hurt Addie was still at large, or because he just wanted to suppress his growing feelings of guilt. 'Addie wasn't single, she had me, at least she should have had me,' he thought miserably behind his mask of annoyance and anger.

"Dr. Shepherd," Stabler took over, "The perp succeeded in raping all of his victims except Addison." Stabler allowed his statement to sink in. "The victims after Addison where severely beaten and cut. The last victim actually escaped him at first, just like you," Stabler turned to Addison, "We spoke with her last night, and once she filed her report, she went home. She hadn't been raped and was well enough to go home." Stabler looked down, then toward his partner.

"Addison," Benson took a deep breath spoke softly, taking over for her partner, "the woman's body was found this morning in her apartment...we believe it was the work of our perp." Benson paused and allowed herself another deep breath, "She was raped and killed." Benson hated delivering such horrid news, but Addison needed to know the facts. Addie's grasp tightened on Benson's hand.

"What does this mean? Does this mean that he will come back?" Addison asked, her voice cracking, fear shaking her out of her dazed state of mind.

"It means that you may be in danger. Given the perp's MO, he may attempt to...finish what he started," Benson answered grimly.

"I want to go home," Addison whispered to no one in particular. She felt so insecure, so lost. The bruises on her thighs and arms ached and her dressings itched. Her cracked ribs made it hard to move fast without it hurting and she found it confining and frightening to lie on a bed all day. She was only in the hospital for one night, but she wanted out, she wanted home. She wanted to lay in her bed, under her sheets--somewhere familiar, somewhere where she could forget the events of the past few weeks, somewhere where she could relax and dream of the good old days when she was at ease, when she was happy, when her marriage was intact, when Derek was there-

"I'm sorry Addison, you can't go home yet, at least not alone," Benson answered, breaking Addie's reverie. "You should-"

"She won't be alone," Derek offered, jumping at the sudden opportunity.

"Excuse me?" Stabler eyed Derek and noticed how shocked Addison appeared.

"She won't be alone, I'll stay with her, I'll watch her." Stabler raised an eyebrow and turned to his partner. "Look, its not like I'm a stranger, I'm her husband!" Derek focused his gaze on Addison's eyes. "I love her, I won't let anything happen to her," he whispered softly, waiting to see his wife's reaction to his statement. Addie looked at Derek; the two looked into each other's eyes. Silence reigned as Derek tried to reach Addie and Addie tried to grapple what Derek's intentions were.

"Well we can always assign watchmen to you're street who will patrol the streets around your home, " Detective Stabler broke the silence, forcing Addie to turn away from Derek. She looked at Derek again and Derek stepped forward, attentively. He walked up to her and leaned in.

"Addison, please forgive me. I love you and I need to be with you. I will never leave you again, honey, never...you don't have to accept my apology or accept me back as your husband, but please let me stay with you. I don't want you to be alone, and I don't want to be alone." Trying to control his emotions. He leaned in further and whispered in her ear. "I love you Addison Montgomery. I love you so much. I-" Derek stopped, overwhelmed with emotions-- a longing to hold Addie, the need for her forgiveness, self loathe,-- he pressed his face against hers and reached for her free hand. His passion for the redhead surged within him. He inhaled deeply and placed a soft kiss on Addison's cheek before he pulled away; he locked eyes with her.

"We can also assign one of our men to your building if necessary," Benson offered, feeling awkward and trying to change the mood. Part of Addison was yearning to go with Derek and enjoy the comforts of her home and part of her was screaming, "Don't you do it Addie! You are in danger and he is an asshole!" However pissed and uncomfortable Addison was, she couldn't ignore the chance to return to a 'normal' life style or the possibility of mending her relationship with Derek. Addison turned to Benson and sighed.

"That won't be necessary," she whispered and returned her gaze to Derek; she had accepted his offer.

-8-8-8-

A/N: Ok, I know, its type short, sorry. :p I'll try to post the next chap sooner. If you catch more than the usual number of typos, please forgive, b/c I'm not using word or anything like it to write...ugh. PLEASE review, they help a bundle in speeding up my writing- they prompt me, ;p. so go, review! kk, I g2g, Addie awaits...in my room... bahaha. ;p

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ADDISON RULES

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	9. Home

Title: Not Done Hurting

Author: Half-Human

Summary: Derek tries to restore his relationship with Addison while she tries to cope with what has happened to her.

Disclaimer: Grey's Anatomy and all its wonderful characters belong to the genius Shonda Rhimes and everyone who's helped put this drama together. Law and Order: SVU and all its characters also aren't mine, unfortunately.

Author's Note: so so so sorry for the long wait. I kept on getting distracted and wrote other fics. major case of writer's block with this fic! Ok, well—enjoy!

-8-8-8-

Later that day Addison's parents visited and after hours of talking with their daughter and eyeing Derek menacingly, they agreed to abide by Addie's wishes and respected her choice to reside in her home with Derek. Needless to say, Derek was expecting to get punched by Addison's father, but the staunchly old man seemed so concerned with Addie that no such dreaded beating occurred. The Montgomerys left late in the afternoon, and it was then that Addison was discharged. As she walked out of the hospital she felt awkward. Derek had his left arm wrapped protectively around her waist and he kept pulling her toward him. She wasn't used to the affection and initially found it too confounding. She felt distanced, as if what was present was a mere shell of who she was and she was really somewhere else, watching the scene from afar. As Derek hailed a taxi, he wrapped his arm tightly around Addie. She pulled away slightly and he got the point. "Sorry," he whispered, "I just miss you." He gave Addison his trademark smile and loosened his grip on his wife.

-8-8-8-

It was the first time Derek had stepped foot in his old Central Park W. home since he left New York City more that year ago. He hesitated before entering, remembering the night he left and how he had yelled and thrown Addie's and her belongings out on the wet pavement. He looked at Addie and noticed that she too was lost in thought, perhaps recalling the same memory. He reached in his pocket and pulled out the key he thought he'd never use again.

As he walked into his old home, he felt strangely at ease. Everything looked the same from the front entrance. Addison quickly left his side and walked upstairs.

"Addison?" Derek called, and she stopped.

"Just because you're here with me doesn't mean everything is ok," she whispered before continuing up the stairs.

Derek nodded, put down his luggage, and decided to give her space. 'I'll talk to her later,' he thought as he began to explore the rest of the first floor. The kitchen was spotless, as always, and Derek smiled at the fresh bouquet of lilies on the table. Addison always had fresh flowers in the house. He walked over to his old study room, turned the knob, but found that it was locked. He jiggled the doorknob but it wouldn't budge. It was then that he noticed the living room décor- or lack there of. Their living room was homey. It had a comfy couch, a large love chair, a cute round mahogany coffee table, and dozens of portraits. The portraits on the walls spanned from each of their childhoods to their married life. But some were missing.

No. Many were missing. Above the main mantle there was a large empty spot, a spot Derek knew was reserved for his and Addie's wedding portrait. Pictures from their anniversaries, parties, and family gatherings—all the ones with him in them were gone. Derek felt a small pang of anger, but his feelings of grief over came them. He stared at the empty wall space above the mantle. It looked so barren, so Spartan, and so wrong, that he had to turn away and headed upstairs.

-8-8-8-

She didn't want to deal with Derek just yet. Addison went straight to bed, not her old bed of course, but to a guest room she had made hers upon her return to NYC. As she lay in bed she found it hard to settle herself. She periodically looked to her window. She kept an eye on the door to her room, closet and bathroom like a paranoid five year old scared of hidden monsters--the kind of monsters that would attack right when no one was looking. The only difference was that Addie's monsters wouldn't go away with the flipping of a light switch. The darkness that surrounded her was much thicker and perverse than the average. It was one which light found difficult to cut through and aside from the inner darkness that plagued her, there was also a real monster out there. There was a physical, mentally ill, malicious being, out there, looking for her, and the thought sent chills down her spine.

"Addison?" Derek's faint call made Addison jump. She took a deep breath as she slipped out of bed. She hesitated before opening the door.

"Hey," he smiled walking toward her. He was waiting outside of the master bedroom. "Guess you've made this your room now," he said offering a cup to her as she stood in the doorway. Derek peeked in and looked at the room. She had chosen the guest room they rarely used, the one that Nancy and his sisters would stay in whenever they visited. The other guest room on the floor was where Mark usually stayed in, and that room, as well as the master bedroom, was locked. Addison looked at the cup and raised an eyebrow. "Ginger tea, I found some in the cupboard," Derek answered. Addison took it, relishing the warmth the mug offered as she gripped it. She inhaled and felt the hot steam fill her lungs. She exhaled, wishing to expel all her fears. "Do you want to head down?" Derek asked softly. Addison looked at Derek, acknowledging that he was being patient with her. She nodded.

-8-8-8-

Curled up on the couch down stairs, Addison sipped away at her tea. Derek stared at her from the living room entrance and pondered what she was thinking about. When he had stepped foot in his Central Park W. brown stone, he was initially bombarded with memories. He recalled the first time he walked through every room, the energy he felt, and the hopes and plans he dreamt of when he first stepped foot in his building with his wife by his side. Derek slowly walked over to the couch and sat down. "How's the tea?" he asked.

"Its good," Addison answered, staring into her mug. He scooted over to his wife, pulled her legs over his thighs and reached for her bare feet. She didn't resist, but looked at him, once again questioning his sudden acts of affection. Being as gentle as possible, he began to give her a massage. She tensed and flinched when he first touched her feet but appeared to relax as he continued with his light squeezing and rubbing. Derek looked at her as she stared at her tea.

"Do you want to talk about…_it_?" Derek asked tentatively. She stopped blowing on her tea, cocked her head to the side, and eyed Derek.

"Do you mean the attempted rape?" Derek swallowed hard. She was staring at him and he found it hard to look into her eyes. He quickly nodded, and then lowered his head. "No. I don't," she answered, returning to her tea. Derek hated hearing those words: attempted rape. They scared him, angered him, and rattled his core. He suddenly stopped massaging and just held her feet in his hands.

"You're going to pull through this," he whispered to her, assuring himself that he too would be ok. Addie remained quiet and the silence was beginning bother him. "Do you want to talk about _us?_—because I do."

"Derek, I'm tired. I'm just…tired," she whispered.

"If you want to head upstairs—"

"No Derek. I…feel fine here."

"Ok, but Addie, I really want us to work. I know I've messed up but I know we will pull through this. I love you Addison and I want to help you. I want to be here for you."

"But that's just it, Derek, isn't it?" Addison started. Derek narrowed his eyes, questioningly. She placed her mug down on the nearest tabletop, pulled her feet out of Derek's grasp, and bent her knees up to her chest. "You weren't here before. I managed. Hell, you weren't really here even when you were around. I don't think—"

"I know, I made a mistake, but I love you, and I am not leaving. I am here for you. You—"

"I can manage on my own," she whispered. Derek looked at her with incredulous eyes.

'What is wrong with her?' he thought, concerned and a little frustrated. She had accepted him at the hospital and now she was, once again, hostile and distant. Still concerned, he tried to push his agitation aside. Derek didn't know what she wanted from him, if she was seeking anything, that is. 'This must be normal,' he concluded, deciding on what actions to take next.

"I know," Derek began tentatively, "but I want to hel-

"No. I said I don't need your help," she interrupted. Her words were harsh, but her voice cracked and wavered in tone. "I am not some damsel in distress Derek," she spat in a hushed manner. "I really don't need you." Derek frowned.

"You don't need me? Then why agree to let me stay with you?" Addison remained silent. She placed her feet on the ground, sat back on the couch, and stared at the Spartan wall in front of her. "Addison? I don't understand you, but I'm here," Derek said, trying to calm himself, "and I want to understand." Addison didn't say a word as Derek let out a loud sigh and sat back against the couch. He watched her intently as her face fluctuated between expressions of anger and grief. He hated seeing her like this. He hated this troubled and torn Addison. It wasn't right; it wasn't her. She closed her eyes, and her chin suddenly began to quiver.

"Addie?" He leaned forward, concerned for his wife, and extended his hand to her shoulder. Aggravated, frightened, and just tired, Addison smacked his hand away from her.

"Don't touch me," she hissed as got up and walked out of the living room.

-8-8-8-

He found her in the kitchen, staring out of one of the windows. She had a dish in her hand, one she presumably just pulled out of the cupboard. There was a half eaten pumpkin pie on the counter top.

"Addie?" he whispered. She didn't respond. She just remained staring out the window, at all the pedestrians strolling by. Her eyes shifted from left to right as she honed in on individuals; inadvertently scanning for the particular man that kept haunting her. "Adds?" He asked again.

Nothing.

Finding a knife he walked up to the pie and began to cut a slice.

"What are you doing?" she asked, still looking out the window.

"You want pie don't you?" Derek watched as Addison frowned.

"What are you doing?" she asked again.

"I'm cutting you a—"

"Derek, don't you get it?" she turned to him, forcing herself from the window. Yes she was scared, hell, who wouldn't be, but she was not about to let it show, not about to let Derek just waltz in there and pretend everything was ok. She wasn't some defenseless child. He had betrayed her trust and hurt her and now he wanted to somehow be there for her? His words and persistence did force Addison to look past the turmoil she was in and remember better times, but his efforts to take care of her were frustrating. "I am a grown woman. I…" her voice caught. "Derek, I'm not ready to talk right now. I don't need you babying me. I'm capable, I'm Dr. Montgomery…"

"I'm just," Derek reached for the plate in her hand and pulled for it.

"I could do it on my own Derek!" she spat, yanking the plate from his grasp. She suddenly felt it slip, and it fell, shattering into myriad pieces. "Damn it!" she cried, stomping her foot and raking her hands through her hair. "Damn it Derek!" She said, in a lower voice. She closed her eyes and inhaled. Derek let her calm down before saying anything. He was about to start cleaning the mess, but thought it unwise.

"I'll… let you clean this up then," Derek whispered softly, finally realizing that what Addison wanted was independence, a taste of what she used to be like. Addie nodded furiously.

"Thanks," she said softly. Derek stood in the kitchen as he watched Addison slowly bend over and wince in pain. She was no doubt still sore but she strained herself to pick up the shattered pieces of porcelain. He knew she shouldn't be down there, risking further injury, but he had to keep his distance. She suddenly looked up sensing his staring, and eyed him. Her expression read, "What?" Derek didn't want to disturb her and decide it best to leave.

"I'll be upstairs," he said softly. "Do you have the master key?" Addie returned to picking up the broken dish.

"Its in the drawer by the front entrance," she answered. Derek nodded and made his way out of the kitchen.

Derek found the master key and decided to build up strength and sleep in his old bedroom. Addison's behavior was erratic and frightening. He found it frustrating to watch her suffer and then have her yell at him, but he knew he had to deal with it. He loved her and was content with her having him stay with her. She was scared and unsure of herself and he just needed to give her time. She needed time and he needed to be careful. She'd snap at him if he weren't. 'On thin ice…' he thought solemnly as he made his way up the stairs.

-8-8-8-

A/N: ok, SORRY for the long wait. I decided to post this so I can keep on going and get past the writers block.

So yay, I've posted. Now I feel all warm and fuzzy inside. You know what would make me feel even more orgasmically awesome? Yeah, you got it--review away:P

-8-8-8-

-Team Addison-

Long Live Satan

-8-8-8-8


	10. Sleepless

Title: Not Done Hurting

Author: Half-Human

Summary: Addison to get over her fears but she is far from who she used to be

Disclaimer: Grey's Anatomy and all its wonderful characters belong to the genius Shonda Rhimes and everyone who's helped put this drama together. Law and Order: SVU and all its characters also aren't mine, unfortunately.

Author's Note: ok, decided to write another chap. Again, sorry for the long wait. Its a bit short but reviews would be great :P

-8-8-8-

The events of the night were enough to send Derek off to his room and not want to interact with Addison again, but he knew he couldn't. Patience was key. He checked the house and called Stabler before heading to bed; he wanted his place checked and under surveillance.

Still lost in his thoughts, Derek heard Addison step out of her room and resisted the urge to go out and talk with her. He had left his door ajar, hoping to give the impression that he was there for her, open for her to come in and talk with him.

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Addison couldn't sleep well. She kept tossing and turning. Her thoughts were filled with concerns and fears; she kept waking up whenever she heard the slightest noise. 'I can use some milk,' she thought, trying to think of something that may sooth her. The hard wood floor felt cold against her bare feet as she sat up and pushed the covers off herself. Walking out her room she noticed the master bedroom door; it was ajar and she knew that Derek was there, probably ready to come out upon her call. As she passed the room she tried not to look inside, she didn't need Derek thinking she needed him. She was a grown woman. 'I don't need anyone,' she thought, walking through the darkness and trying to feel her way carefully to the stairs.

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When she reached the kitchen downstairs she walked to the cupboard, pulled out a glass, and stepped toward the sink. She gazed out the window. The streets were relatively empty for New York City. Every now and then a yellow cab would stroll by slowly, a couple could be seen walking their dog, or groups of teenagers would walk by, fooling around, their laughter breaking the calm of the hums and ticks of the city night. Addison exhaled deeply and noticed the morning newspaper sitting by the sink. It was still neatly folded and bundled together.

'I'm making too big a deal of this,' she thought grimly. All around her, people where going about their daily tasks. She had gone through a rough ordeal, been traumatized, been afraid of the slightest things, and yet her friends still went to work, those back in Seattle were still busy with surgeries, people still walked their dogs, laughed and played, and her morning newspaper was still delivered. 'I have to get over this,' she said, hating that she had to fight herself to grow strong. Addison gave another sigh, opened the fridge door and squinted as the light from the fridge gave the kitchen a soft eerie glow. She picked up the half-filled quart and checked the expiration date. 'I have to pull myself together,' she thought. "You're being silly Addison," she whispered, trying to quell her nerves.

"Silly?" she heard a voice from behind her. Addison jumped.

"Geez Derek," she rolled her eyes, recovering from the scare. "I told you I don't need your help," she spat. Hadn't he gotten the clue? She closed the fridge with a slam and turned to the window, the only source of light in the kitchen. "I can do things on my own," she hissed.

"Derek? Are you cheating on me Addison?"

Addison froze. She felt a chill run through her body as memories flashed in her head.

That voice…it wasn't Derek's. She slowly turned around, but she could only make out a dark figure. "Nah, you wouldn't cheat on me now, would you?"

Addison felt her breathe catch as she backed up against the sink.

"Get away from me," she finally managed to say, her voice quivering. She felt her insides churn and heartbeat quicken. 'It can't be him, it can't be,' she thought frantically. There was a cop at her door, wasn't there? They had locked all the windows, all the doors. 'This isn't happening, this isn't happening' she chanted in her head, feeling the edge of the sink dig into her back. Dressed in long warm pajamas, pants and a shirt, she felt the cold of the hard ceramic floor course up through her. "This can't be happening,' she continued as she saw the dark figure grow closer and finally, come into the light.

It was him.

He wore the same leather jacket and the same grimace. "Get away," Addison warned and grabbed for the nearest thing she could—a flower vase. She shook it menacingly in front of her, trying to muster as much strength as she could. Last time she had fought, fought hard, but now she developed fear. This guy was sick. He was a sick, obsessive murderer, an she knew what he was capable of.

"Ooh, you do excite me," the perp grinned, "but you can't get rid of me. I won't go away Addison, I've missed you." He suddenly took out a long knife from inside his jacket. The blade shimmered as he brought it up. Addison's eyes widened with fear as she tried to stop her shaking and think of what to do.

"Leave me alone," she managed to mutter, the vase in her hand trembling in the darkened kitchen.

"Addison, do behave," he said, in a serious tone. He exhaled loudly, narrowed his eyes and smiled.

"Now…lets have fun," he whispered, before sprinting toward Addison.

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A/N: this chaps a bit short, but I wanted to write something. Sorry again for the late update. Reviews, opinions, comments—all would be appreciated :D

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